


Oh, Someone You Know

by Readvelvett



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Fluff, Gen, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, OT5, the girls love her, yeri is terrified
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24043648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Readvelvett/pseuds/Readvelvett
Summary: Yeri tries to come out, but things don't always work the way you want them to.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 84





	Oh, Someone You Know

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by Sparks - Coldplay

It’s not as if Yeri hasn’t  _ tried _ to tell them before. She had, on more than one occasion at that. But every time she built courage, she chickened out at the last moment. She’d start panicking, sweating nervously as she clammed up, unable to push out any words past “I” or “I’m.” Despite her initial bouts of courage, Yeri was just never able to get it out there. It’s not exactly the easiest thing in the world, even though the copious amounts of advice videos she’s seen make it seem otherwise. Her fear of rejection is just too overwhelming for her, so she shoves it down and locks it away and convinces herself that this is what’s best.

But that doesn’t stop her from stepping out of line every once and awhile, including during the first leg of their American tour. She couldn’t resist when she saw the colorful flag being tossed onto the stage, her heart skipping a beat. America was so much kinder than South Korea, so open and mixed, not perfect by any means, but better. To see all the pride within the crowd made her heart swell with the most happiness and belonging she’s felt in a long time, whether anyone knew it or not. So swallowing her inhibitions, Yeri quickly picks up the thin material, clumsily draping it along herself and listening to the roar from the crowd as she did so.

This is what it felt like to be loved and supported, to wear her colors with bravery and pride and have an entire stadium of people cheering her on. She could almost convince herself that this would be her coming out, but she knew deep down all it did was symbolize her support. But how could Yeri not support the community she secretly belonged to? She smiled widely out at the fans, doing her best to ignore the looks from her members. She felt Irene’s gaze on her, the leader smiling kindly but her eyes feeling less than pleased as they bore holes into Yeri’s temple. She kept her smile on, trying to ignore the gaze burning shame into her brain.

Maybe this wasn’t such a great feeling after all.

~

She wasn’t able to really think about anything else for the rest of the night. Her thoughts continued to plague her even after settling down in their dressing room to change and take their makeup off. Yeri is almost glad that their manager took all of the things thrown on stage with him, she doesn’t think she could stomach seeing the colorful flag right now. She tucked herself away into the corner, scrolling through her phone with Wendy’s chipmunk blanket wrapped around her as she waited for the others to finish up. They didn’t speak much, some small talk here and there between Seulgi and Joy, Wendy was on the phone with her sister, and Irene was staring directly at her though Yeri didn’t acknowledge it.

“So Yerim-ah.”

She was sucked out of her thoughts by Joy’s already teasing tone; her heart skipped a beat, she didn’t have a good feeling about this. Joy had that mischievous glint in her eye, and Yeri knew that only meant trouble.

“That was bold of you on stage tonight. The fans really went crazy.”

“Yeah well,” she didn’t know where to go from here, her heart was beating rapidly and she needed to think of something, “just supporting our fans.”

Someone snorted, but Yeri was too busy trying to quell her nerves and rapidly beating heart. She felt that stare on her again, but she refused to look at Irene, she refused to give in.

“You’ll probably trend all over social media for that Yerimie, it’ll be cool!”

Seulgi’s optimistic and kind smile was a breath of fresh air, and she sent her an appreciative look as she pulled the blanket tighter around her.

“You’ll be called… what is it?”

Seulgi looked up at Wendy who stood above her with a confused expression, Wendy smiled fondly down at her and patted her head.

“LGBT.”

“Oh yeah! An LGBT queen, like Sunmi unnie.”

Yeri couldn’t help but smile at Seulgi’s excitement, she remembers the day Sunmi proclaimed herself an LGBT queen, and how the internet exploded with positivity (and false hope, but Yeri didn’t want to think about those assumptions).

“Or maybe they’ll just call her LGBT, you know how fans are.”

How Joy was reading straight through to her fears, Yeri was unsure. But she definitely wanted the ground to open up and for Hell to swallow her whole, she’d be going there one day anyways. Her ears were ringing with Joy’s teasing words, she didn’t register Wendy smacking Joy over the head with an eye roll and Seulgi giving an uncomfortable laugh. But she did hear Irene -- who had yet to join the conversation until this point -- loud and clear.

“Sooyoung, don’t make jokes like that.”

“It was just a harmless joke unnie.”

“It can damage her reputation, holding the flag in the first place might have done it already.”

The room falls silent at Irene’s stern tone. Joy turned back to her phone, a look of guilt evident on her features. Wendy and Seulgi shared a glance before Seulgi cleared her throat and they went back to taking their makeup off. Yeri kept her gaze on her phone screen, afraid that if she moved an inch she would begin to cry. She swallowed the painfully large lump in her throat, exhaling shakily and shutting her eyes.

“I’m going to tell oppa to get the car ready, meet us in the back of the venue in ten minutes.”

The minute Irene stalked out of the room, Yeri felt like she could breathe again, but the awkward tension still clung to the air. She felt the occasional glance from the other girls, not as piercing, but still uncomfortable. 

“Are you okay Yerimie? You look really uncomfortable, did unnie upset you?”

She really didn’t trust her voice, but they would all become suspicious if she refused to answer Seulgi’s question. She cleared her throat awkwardly and shot them a halfhearted smile.

“Just rethinking is all…”

“Well, don’t worry about it, most of our Luvies are accepting and will be really excited to hear of your support. Plus, it’s not like you’re like that anyways.”

Yeri knew Wendy was trying to help, but referring to it as ‘like that’ made her uneasy. If anyone in the group would understand, it would be Wendy being that she grew up in a more accepting environment like this. To think about any of her members not accepting her just made her feel more ashamed. 

“Right.”

They wordlessly gathered their things and walked to the back of the venue. The car was waiting, and they all piled in to go back to the hotel. Yeri squished herself against the window, Seulgi on her other side. Usually the city lights would bring her comfort, but she was too preoccupied by her thoughts and actions, what if she really had ruined her reputation? What if the media figures it all out? 

_ “Plus, it’s not like you're like that anyways.” _

If only they knew how wrong that statement was, would they even want her around anymore? As she climbed into her bed in the darkness of her lonely hotel room, Yeri decided that she didn’t want to find out. 

~

Yeri berated herself for not paying close enough attention, letting her mind wander away while the interviewer focused on asking Wendy a question. But when the attention was turned to her, and she had only picked up on certain aspects of the conversation, she nervously blurted out her response in English.

“Yeah, I like girls.”

It wasn’t what she had  _ meant  _ to say, but it wasn’t necessarily wrong. The interviewer's expression didn’t change as he corrected her, and she laughed it off nervously with the others, avoiding Wendy’s lingering gaze on her. They probably would chalk it up as her lack of knowledge of the English language, she wasn’t fluent after all. The interview went on without fail after that, and Yeri only spoke up when necessary, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart.

How could she be so stupid? How could she just say that like it didn’t matter, even if she didn’t mean to? She felt shame build in her chest, and the overwhelming urge to cry as the interview came for a close and they were ushered away by staff. She rushed off to the bathroom, tears falling from her eyes as she pushed through the door, unable to breathe. The door pushed open a moment later, and she spun around as a soft cry fell from her mouth. Seulgi was looking at her, concern and care evident on her face.

“Yerim?”

She was at a loss for words, and Yeri didn’t know what to say or do to explain. How could she? She didn’t want anyone to know. But Seulgi just took her in her arms, brushing her hair from her face with a confused expression.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.”

Seulgi just shook her head, a small chuckle leaving her mouth as she pulled her in for a tighter hug.

“It was a mistake Yerim, no one’s going to hold it against you. Don’t be so upset about it.”

But Yeri shook her head fervently, Seulgi didn’t understand. This wasn’t just a mistake! This could have serious consequences, people might find out the truth now even if it wasn’t what was meant to be said.

“No Unnie…”

She trailed off, choking on a sob as she buried herself into Seulgi’s shoulder. The brunette pushes her back gently, pulling away so she can inspect Yeri’s face.

“Yerimie,” the look of suspicion in the woman’s gaze sent a chill up Yeri’s spine, “is there something you’re not telling us?”

What was she supposed to do now? Lie once more and feel guilty about it for ages? That’s not fair to her or to them, but it was exactly what she was going to do.

“No unnie, I just… I don’t want this to look bad for us, I don’t want the company hounding us because I made a mistake.”

“Yerim-ah, you really think Joohyun unnie would let them do that?”

They both let out small laughs and Seulgi even manages to put a smile on Yeri’s face. She patted the maknae’s cheek before tugging her into another hug.

“Don’t be so worried, everything’s going to be fine. Now come on, we have to get going, the car is waiting.”

She helped Yeri dry her eyes before leading them to the rest of the waiting group. As they made their way to the car, a hand stopped her from following and tugged her back slowly. She turned to face Irene and felt her heart drop. 

“Yerim you need to be more careful. Things like that, and the flag incident… they can get us in trouble.”

It wasn’t rude by any means, and Irene wasn’t looking at her in disappointment, just pure caution. Yeri felt heat spreading across her cheeks as she lowered her gaze.

“Yes unnie. I’m sorry.”

“Good, come now let’s go.”

Yeri followed behind slowly, ashamed with herself once more. There was no escape for her, she really felt as though she’d carry this shame for the rest of her life.

And maybe she would.

~

The staff had warned her against being too active on social media, encouraging her not to open her own Instagram early in the process. But Yeri had no want to listen to their warnings, she knew they were wary of hate but she had been so exposed to it she no longer cared to pay attention to the comments. She knew she was loved, she knew she had a plethora of fans that would rally to support her every move, and that was enough for her. It’s not like she actively checked her comments anyways, but she was itching to now, after her recent slip up she needed to know if people were talking about it.

She wishes she hadn’t looked, because the comments were disgusting. They hit hard, opening wounds that she had fought hard to keep closed. She saw many comments of support, but they didn’t stand out as much as the ones with slurs. The ones saying terrible things about her. She didn’t deserve this, who deserves to get treated like this?

She lets the tears flow freely as she buries herself under her comforter, hiccuping and struggling to keep her cries quiet. It was late after all, and she didn’t need anyone asking her what’s wrong. She can’t draw attention to it, she can’t let the girls know she’s seen it and that those words  _ hurt _ . She can’t let them know at all, they would be so disappointed in her. 

Yeri stays up crying until dawn breaks, feeling completely and utterly alone.

~

It was eating her alive, all the emotions and feelings and thoughts. She was being consumed by it all, and it was slowly sleeping out. Yeri knew she needed to get it out somehow, to just tell someone even if they hated her. The constant hiding and crying needed to stop, but she was just so terrified of the truth. 

Maybe if she just changed the story, maybe that would be enough.

She had to try, for her sake, she  _ had _ to try something. But she didn’t know who to tell, she thought long and hard about who was the safest option. Irene was immediately out, the woman had been suspicious of her for a while and Yeri knew she couldn’t disappoint her like that. Seulgi was comfortable but Seulgi was like her biggest sister, and she didn’t want Seulgi to think any different of her. Joy was out too, she had been Yeri’s roommate and closest friend and she doesn’t know how badly she’d react to finding out Yeri didn’t trust her enough to tell her, she doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable.

Wendy was her only option, and not by any means a bad one. She grew up in another culture where it was much more accepted. And she knew Wendy would take her seriously even if they constantly tease one another. She sighs nervously as she makes up her mind, pushing her way out of her room and pacing the hall a bit. 

“Suck it up Yerim.”

She whispers to herself before biting her tongue he’d and stopping in front of Wendy’s door, knocking three times before being called in. Wendy was on her bed, desk light on as she sifted through some lyric sheets. Her glasses were low on her nose and Yeri thought she looked like a business woman, a sexy one at that.  _ Ya! You pervert don’t think like that!  _ She chides herself mentally before getting back on task.

“Unnie? Can I talk to you about something?”

Wendy beckoned her into the room with a wave, slipping her glasses off and turning her full attention to Yeri as the girl took a seat on the end of her bed.

“What’s up Yerimie?”

Yeri fidgeted for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to get it across without sounding so personal. 

“I have a friend,” she starts a bit unevenly and she needs to pause to adjust her shaky breathing, “who told me something personal and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“And you came to me?”

Yeri nodded sheepishly, trying to maintain eye contact and now let her face heat up in embarrassment. She did not need Wendy to see right through her.

“You lived in another part of the world and well, it’s more open there and I just needed an opinion I could trust.”

She was prepared to go on more but Wendy shook her head and closed her eyes, cutting her ramble off.

“Yerim, what exactly is it you’re here for?”

“She told me she’s gay, unnie.”

She resisted the urge to flinch at the word, she had yet to say it out loud. But even now, referring to her ‘friend’ she wasn’t able to contain herself and she let her posture falter a bit. Wendy’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, she hadn’t expected that. 

“How does that make you feel?”

“I don’t know, it feels like she’s the same person. But isn’t it selfish to hide that from people you should trust?”

Her eyes were hopeful, she wanted Wendy to tell her no, that it wasn’t selfish. She wanted Wendy to see through her and tell her she loves her and it’s okay. But Wendy just looked at her with confused eyes, she still didn’t understand why Yeri felt the need to ask.

“Not really, it’s a big secret, some might find it shameful. It must take a lot of courage for her to tell you, it means she trusts you a lot.”

Yeri nods wordlessly, soaking in Wendy’s neutral tone. She couldn’t deduce how the older woman felt by what she had stated, but Wendy spoke up again before she had a chance to say anything else.

“Does it make you uncomfortable?”

Did it? Yeri really didn’t know how to answer, she wouldn’t care if any of her members came out or any of her friends or family. She would accept them easily, so no it didn’t make her uncomfortable. But she wasn’t talking about a friend anymore, and the thought that it was her made her uneasy.

“No, she’s still the same person right?”

“Right.”

The conversation lulled, and Yeri didn’t feel any better than she did before it started. She cuddled with her thumbs under Wendy’s gaze.

“Does it make you uncomfortable?”

It was an odd question, and it sounded a lot more like she was asking for herself this time rather than anyone else. But Wendy was patient and kind, and she gave Yeri a gentle smile and shook her head.

“No. People have a right to love, you can’t stop your heart from beating for another.”

The tenderness made Yeri want to blurt it out then and there, to lean into her unnie’s arms and just confess. But even with her question answered, she held herself back. She nodded along instead, smiling back at Wendy.

“Thanks unnie, I’ll tell her that I love her and our friendship will never change.”

Wendy gave her a thumbs up, giving her a quick hug before the maknae beelined it for the door. She needed to cry, she needed to go to her room and cry hard into her pillow.

“Yeri-ah?”

She turned back with a hum, hoping her eyes weren’t shiny with unshed tears just yet. Wendy was giving her an uncomfortably knowing smile, and it made her skin crawl and bile rise up her throat.

“If you ever need to talk about anything, you know you can come to me, to us, right?”

Yeri nodded with a shaky smile, shooting a soft thanks Wendy’s way before booking it to her bedroom. She was barely through the door before her tears started, and she threw herself onto her bed, muffling her sobs with her pillow.

Wendy hesitated next to her door as she exited her own bedroom, listening with an aching heart to Yeri’s pitiful sobs. She hoped that one day Yeri would be comfortable enough to tell them the truth.

~

“You guys are known for pandering more to the female audience, what do you have to say about that?”

It’s an odd question honestly, of all the things he could’ve asked he had to ask a really obscure question. Wendy was always good with her words though, so they let her take over.

“Uh well we have a very versatile discography, I guess it’s just more interesting towards women.”

The interviewer looks unsatisfied with Wendy’s vague answer, and his facial expressions were star sting to annoy Yeri, what was he trying to get at?

“But young women like yourself usually cater more towards men, especially in the more sensual concepts. However, you chose a different route with those, portraying more… how can I say it… sapphic energy.”

They were all starting to get a little uncomfortable from his insinuations, sure they didn’t shy away from the fact that some of their videos were subtly supporting the LGBT community, but it was never the focal point.

“We like to be inclusive.”

Wendy’s concise answers only meant that she was getting uncomfortable as well. And Yeri felt her fists balling when the interviewer looked less than pleased.

“You’re at ages where attracting male attention is beneficial, how do you expect to one day get married and settle down with a man if you’ve been recorded doing things that are not exactly ladylike?”

That’s it, not only is he creepy but he crossed a huge line, and Yeri was absolutely fuming. While the others sat stunned, she tried to calm her shaking voice as she spat out at him.

“What’s the issue with that? Being inclusive is not a bad thing. Are you trying to insinuate that we all have to marry men?”

Maybe she said a little more than she should have, maybe she shouldn’t have made it about them, but she couldn’t help it. Irene places a hand over her shaking fists in an attempt to calm her down, but the interviewers slightly disgusted face only angered her more.

“Well yes that’s the natural order of-“

“No. That’s not the natural order. There is nothing wrong with being different but it’s ignorant people like you who make people feel that way. Your words are very hurtful, so stop saying them.”

The girls all turned their attention to her, not giving the interviewer the time of day as the staff quickly shut the whole thing down. They ushered Yeri off with gentle words and touches, trying to soothe her growing anger and frustration. But as soon as they were alone, Irene turned to her with an incredulous look.

“What the hell has gotten into you?”

Yeri can’t believe Irene is angry at her. Why should she be when all Yeri did was stand up for herself? But reality settles in and Yeri remembers that Irene doesn't know, and now she just looks angry.

“He was being offensive!”

“Not to you!”

Her eyes flooded with tears, she wanted to scream out that it was offensive to her, but only a choked sob escaped.

“Joohyun…”

Seulgi reaches out to relax the woman, trying to get her to back off before she provoked Yeri anymore. But Yeri was already at her breaking point, and she began to shout angrily. 

“Well it’s not fair okay? It’s not fair that people like that can just go around and say whatever they want about whoever they want and not get reprimanded for it! People struggle everyday! Every single day because of guys like that! It’s not fair. It’s not fair.”

Her voice cracked on the last line, sobs tearing from her throat as she felt the humiliation and shame bubble inside of her. The girls watch in disbelief as she falls apart, beyond confused over her emotional outburst. 

“Yerim-ah…”

Wendy’s tender hand rests on her back, rubbing soothingly into the material of her shirt. But Yeri realizes how out of control she was, and she shrugs her off and wipes her tears and prepares an apology.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m just really upset.”

“I know, it’s alright, just relax.”

The girls all work on soothing her again, pulling her back down to a leveled head space with their words of encouragement. She allowed them to coddle her, patting her head gently and rubbing her back. But she couldn’t shake the anger she felt no matter how hard she tried. 

It wasn’t alright, and Yeri wished desperately that they would realize that.

~

This wasn’t supposed to happen. This wasn’t supposed to happen this way. What went wrong? How did this possibly go so wrong? Yeri wanted to throw up as she read the headline.

_ BREAKING: Red Velvet’s Yeri is a lesbian?  _

They knew, Dispatch knew. Dispatch knew and now everyone knows, the company, the girls, her family, the entire world. 

Everyone knew and now she was done for.

She slumped against her door, biting back her tears as she listened to her members talk about it.

“What do we do now?”

The confusion in Seulgi’s voice made her feel sick.

“Nothing, we let management handle it and make it go away.”

The nervousness in Irene’s voice made her anxious.

“This isn’t true right?”

The despair in Joy’s voice made her heart crack.

“I don’t know Sooyoung.”

The disappointment in Wendy’s voice broke her heart. 

She couldn’t stand to listen to it anymore, picking herself up off the floor she barged out of her room and into the living room. All eyes were on her, varying levels of concern and uncertainty presented in each of their eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but only a shuddery breath escaped. Tears were welling in her eyes before she even started, but she needed to be strong.

“I’m sorry.”

Her voice cracked, so much for strength. No one said a word, Irene looked back to her phone to respond to their manager. 

“Is it true?”

Joy asked so quietly, Yeri wasn’t even sure she spoke at all. She didn’t know what to say, this wasn’t supposed to happen. She wasn’t supposed to have to do this. Where did it all go wrong?

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

That was confirmation enough, she watched as all of their faces changed, but she couldn’t bear to look any of them in the eye.

“I’m sorry. I promise I’ll change, I’m sorry. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

No one spoke, the tension in the air thick enough to cut through with a blade. Yeri’s mouth opened and closed, a lump obstructing her throat getting bigger and bigger as she willed her emotions to stop. Irene looked at her, face stoic as she stood to move.

“I’m going to call oppa and see what the company is going to do.”

She left without another word, leaving Yeri to stare after her utterly broken. She had disappointed Irene, she had destroyed their group. She ruined it for all of them, they should hate her. Joy stood next, face contorting with rage as she made to leave. Yeri lunged after her, gripping her wrist and falling to her knees.

“I’m sorry! Unnie I’m sorry please! I’ll fix it, I’ll change please! Please, I’m sorry!”

Joy didn’t respond, she just shook her off, leaving Yeri in the middle of the living room on her knees. The door to her room slammed and Yeri sat in complete silence for a few seconds. When it all registered — the pain, the hate, the despair — she broke. Terrible harsh sobs ripped from her throat as she crumpled, leaning forward and sobbing into her hands loudly. Strong arms wrapped around her midsection, pulling her up and back into a soft warm body. Another set of hands joined, pulling her hands away from her face and cupping her cheeks gently.

“Yeri-ah…”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry unnies I’m sorry. I promise I’ll do better please don’t leave me, don’t… I’m sorry…”

She was shushed gently, pulled back into a warm body and rocked back and forth. The other person kept their hands on her cheeks, rubbing their thumb along her skin soothingly.

“Shhhh Yerim-ah, unnies have you okay? You’re okay, breathe now, please breathe with us.”

Wendy’s motherly tone filled her ears, her mouth mere inches away from her ear as she pulled Yeri into her and held her tightly. Seulgi sat in front of them, petting Yeri’s hair and holding her face tenderly.

“No more apologies honey, unnies love you so much. We’ve got you. You can exhale now, you can be you now.”

Wendy and Seulgi held her as her world seemingly fell apart, this was really the end of her and her career, maybe even theirs. But they held her anyways, because Yeri was way more important than their own worries and fears. Yeri was worth the struggle, she had been worth it from the start.

If only she had felt the same about herself, maybe they wouldn’t have to hold her right now.

~

Things were tense to say the least, Yeri spent the rest of the day locked away in her room crying. As hard as Seulgi and Wendy tried, she wouldn’t let them in, she felt disgusted by herself. She listened with a shattered heart as the two bickered with the other members, berating them for making Yeri feel so terrible. Yeri has genuinely never felt more like a burden in her life, this was really her breaking point. She exhausted herself from crying so hard that she fell into an unsettlingly deep sleep.

She’s being shaken awake hours later, which is surprising because she definitely locked her door and the only person who had a key to all of the rooms was Irene.

Oh.

Yeri looks up as dread fills her veins, surely Irene is about to rip her a new one for this. Her eyes don’t miss the tear tracks on Irene’s cheeks and the stress lines forming, she must’ve disappointed the leader so much.

“We need to talk.”

Her voice wasn’t unkind, or rude, just tired and void of any feeling. Yeri caused this, and the shame sinks in once again at the thought. She sits up silently, letting her leader sit a considerable distance away from her on the bed, Yeri can’t help but think it’s because she’s uncomfortable.

“The company is really mad.”

She doesn’t say anything after that, pausing to let Yeri take in the information. But maybe she should’ve said something further as Yeri looks like she’s about to lose the only thing she’s ever worked for.

“Not at you though, don’t worry. They’re mad at Dispatch for spreading lies, saying terrible things like that about you that can not only ruin your career and our career, but of course lower stocks for them. That’s their main focus obviously, did we expect anything else?”

Yeri shakes her head silently as she picks at loose threads in her blanket. Irene called them lies, and she’s not sure if she’s quoting the company or she genuinely believes that they’re lies. She can’t bear to make eye contact as she opens her mouth.

“They’re not lies.”

It’s silence that follows for an uncomfortably long time on Yeri’s end. She can feel her heart thrumming in her throat, prepared to spill out of her mouth at any moment. 

“I assumed as such, but the company can’t know that.”

There’s a beat.

“Did I… Did I disappoint you?”

She looks up this time, searching Irene’s eyes desperately for anything that would prove her question wrong. She can’t handle what she feels is the truth.

“Disappoint me? Dear God no Yerim, how could I ever be disappointed in you?”

“Because I’m like this, because I’m gay.”

Irene lets out a shuddery breath as Yeri utters the last word, she can see the younger trying to hold her tears back desperately. But Irene wouldn’t try to keep hers in, she needed Yeri to know how far from disappointed she felt.

“You’re a beautiful young woman Yerim, gay or straight, I will never be any less than proud of who you are.”

Yeri breaks in that moment, lurching forward into Irene’s hold, desperate for love and affection from the woman who grew to be a maternal figure to her. Irene reciprocated without fail, pulling her into a tight hold and cradling her head.

“I’m so proud of you Yerim, so incredibly proud.”

That’s all Yeri wanted to hear from Irene, she just wanted to give Irene a reason to be proud of her. And she sobbed openly into the woman’s shoulder, she didn’t even know she had tears left. 

They stay this way for a very long time, until her cries are reduced to sniffles and hiccups, and Irene pulls away with a watery smile on her face.

“I love you Yerim-ah, that will never change.”

~

Joy was her last obstacle to overcome, and Yeri had a feeling she’d be the most difficult. After garnering support from her other three members, she feared that Joy would be the only one against it. She had yet to even look in Yeri’s direction, and this was days after the article had been taken down and the company had begrudgingly paid Dispatch to keep their mouths shut whether the matter was true or not. The issue was swept away, slanderous comments were not going to be tolerated, and they were going to be just fine.

So why wasn’t Joy fine with it?

Yeri decided she needed to find out, whether it ended up hurting her or not. She could no longer run from this anymore, twenty one years is a long time to run and she was done running.

Knocking on Joy’s door, she received the first words the taller woman had spoken to her in days. The simple ‘come in’ was enough to instill anxiety in Yeri once again. Her brave forefront was gone the moment she opened the door and made eye contact with Joy. She saw the way Joy’s face instantly hardened, and Yeri wasn’t sure this is what she wanted anymore.

“What do you want?”

She promised herself she wouldn’t cry, she told herself over and over she wouldn’t. But the tears started before she even got her first word out.

“Did I do something wrong? Do you not like me the way I am?”

Yeri wants to tell her she’ll change, she’ll do anything just to make Joy look at her again, to make Joy love her again. She can’t handle disappointing any of her members, and she can’t handle losing any of them either. She lets out a pathetic weep as Joy looks at her, eyes softening as she watches her (former?) best friend try not to fall apart.

“That’s not it, Yerim.”

“Then what is it? I don’t understand.”

“Why didn’t you trust me?”

Of all the things Yeri expected, it wasn’t that. She gave Joy a confused look, sniffling as she wiped her eyes in a futile attempt to stop her tears.

“What?”

“We lived together for years, shared everything, told each other  _ everything _ . Why didn’t you trust me?”

Now she gets it. Joy isn’t upset because she’s gay, Joy’s upset because she didn’t feel like she could tell her. She doesn’t know whether to be relieved or heartbroken.

“Unnie…”

“Did I… Did I ever make you feel like you couldn’t tell me? Did I ever make you feel like I would hate you? If I did I’m so sorry.”

Yeri watched in shock as Joy broke down into her hands, overwhelmed with how much guilt she felt for making Yeri feel so terrible. But Yeri frantically shook her head, falling to her knees and scooting over time the distraught girl.

“No, no that’s not it that’s not… Unnie I was scared. I thought something was wrong with me a-and that I couldn’t tell anyone. It’s not you, it was never you.”

Joy looks up at her, eyes conveying so much emotion as Yeri finally gets to look in them meaningfully for the first time in days. She can see the pain and guilt overwhelming Joy, and it makes her feel guilty in return.

“All I’ve ever wanted,” Joy hiccups, grabbing one of Yeri’s hands tightly to assure her, “is for you to feel like you had someone no matter what.”

Yeri lets out a whimper as she pulls Joy into a hug, sobbing into each other’s embraces. Yeri understands now that Joy wasn’t upset with her, she was upset with herself. She felt like she failed Yeri, and Yeri wishes she knew that Joy could never fail her.

“I love you unnie.”

“I love you too.”

And just like that, the maknae duo had made up. They knew that their bond would be stronger than ever now, and Yeri no longer felt like she had anything to hide. Joy would make sure Yeri always had a safe space to talk, and Yeri would make sure Joy knew she was doing her best. 

~

The first time she entered the dorm after coming out felt like breathing fresh air after years of never seeing the light of day. It was overwhelming with how comfortable she felt with herself, knowing the others loved her no matter what. She entered to the smell of Wendy’s cooking coming from the kitchen, and she hummed in satisfaction at the delicious scent.

“Yerimie, welcome back.”

The maknae’s eyes lit up when Wendy approached her, kissing her temple affectionately and taking the onions she had requested for the younger to buy. 

“Thanks, I owe you one.”

She skips back into the kitchen to finish preparing their dinner while Yeri ventures farther into the apartment. Joy meets her outside of the bathroom, shooting her a wide smile and poking her sides playfully. 

“Ya!”

But Joy runs off before she can do anything in retaliation. She’s just glad Joy can find it in herself to be playful, she missed her best friend. She encounters Seulgi on the couch as she walks towards her room. The bear lazily looked up at her with a happy smile.

“How was practice Yerimie?”

Yeri spent a few minutes talking about her day with her thoughtful unnie, giving her a small hug before finally making her way to her room. But she wasn’t able to enter before the room before Irene had left her own and encountered her in the hallway. 

“Oh, you’re home! Just in time for dinner.”

She seemed surprised by Yeri’s return, but her voice oozed with affection as she spoke to the younger. Irene pressed a kiss to the back of her head before walking down the hall to join Wendy in the kitchen. Yeri can’t hide the smile that spreads as she drops her things off and treks back into the dining area when dinner is called. She feels whole again as they all laugh happily and tease one another over Wendy’s delicious meal.

For the first time in her life, Yeri finally understands what it feels like to come home. 


End file.
